Pattern writing is NOT fun

So, I need to make a scarf pattern for someone to wear at football games....and because it will have obscene language, I am pretty sure I will have to do something on my own rather than find a pattern.

The color scheme will be black and gold (Go Hawks!), so this would also lend itself to shadow knitting....but I don't know how to do that either.

I have found some knitting/chart pattern generators online, but they really don't seem to be working the way I intended. I may have to use graph paper and just do it the old-school way.

I am thinking that intarsia will be a)too much work b)look terrible in the back. Duplicate stitch will be first. A hat with an intarsia border might work ok too.....but might not have the same affect as a scarf.

And why do I care how this looks, since it is a joke after all? I expect my design to be on national tv, as the intended recipient--Russell--is always in the front row at football games.